by Jason Weimer 

Hillary Chan is raising 3 kids under 5 in Singapore, where a majority of moms remain part of the workforce. But she’s chosen to go against the cultural norms. She left a satisfying job to immerse herself full time in the lonely world of diapers, nap-times, and child’s play.

In a small town south of Pittsburgh, health issues forced Liz Gossner to scale back her work and church leadership activities after the birth of her second child. She’s since faced loneliness and confusion, and a sense that life is out of control.

Caz Boer, a mom of 3 kids under 8 in the suburbs of Melbourne, Australia, struggled to keep pace with the unspoken expectation of being a ‘super-mum.’ Chronic Fatigue Syndrome only made this more difficult, especially with the amount of daily to-do’s that accompany an infant.

Though these 3 women live in vastly different places, their ambitions are strikingly similar. They’re Christians who want to continue making a difference in others’ lives, while navigating the exhausting world of mothering young children.  Maybe you share a similar story. If so, how can you have a ministry when motherhood rules your life?

Motherhood is ministry.

It may not feel like it when you’re changing diapers or making endless portions of mac and cheese, but motherhood is one of the most significant ways anyone influences the life of another.

Children are the most lasting and meaningful disciples parents have, and every day with them is an eternal investment. Embracing this truth has helped these moms temper expectations that they “should be doing more.”

Some moms will feel they have the capacity to be involved in ministry outside their home and raise small children at the same time. Some won’t. The point is comparisons will rarely be helpful for either of those groups. Motherhood can be an all-encompassing role, but it shouldn’t solely define any woman’s identity.

Most moms will find that their capacity fluctuates depending on which season of parenthood they are in.

Embracing a unique role

Many women who leave careers to stay at home full time struggle with the loss of what they felt was influential, purposeful activity. Instead of conversing with colleagues over important projects, they manage toddler crises like who stole which toy from whom.

Hillary was able to move through this transition when she came across sources, not just Christian ones, emphasizing the lasting importance of children bonding with parents.

“I did some work for an early-child development agency in Singapore,” she says. “They said the most important thing in the first 3 years is to spend more time with their parents and grow that bond.”

According to the World Health Organization, early childhood development is considered to be the most important phase in life. Interpersonal stimulation and nurture are regarded as critical elements in the development of children, and moms who stay at home are an ideal source of both.

Liz is also learning to value her influential role in her kids’ lives.

“A lot of families expect the church to teach their kids, and [kids] are missing what they need to learn from their parents. My mission field can also be at home,” she says.

Breaking through the isolation

Loneliness and isolation from other adults is a reality moms face daily. Finding places to be known and understood, and to interact with peers, is vital if this phase of life is going to be about more than surviving.

Hillary is involved in Cru Singapore’s Homemakers ministry. Women meet weekly in small groups, often during school hours, to share life’s struggles and grow in their faith.

Caz is mentored by an older mom who helps her understand how to prioritize her time and balance her priorities.

Liz is involved with MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers), a Christ-centered organization that partners with local churches to invest in moms of young children.

“Moms have high expectations of ourselves and our families, and when things don’t go that way, we feel like a failure,” says Liz. “Hearing from other moms who go through the same struggles lifts some of that burden.”

Many churches offer programs like MOPS and Homemakers. FamilyLife, a Cru ministry, provides connection points as well through regular conferences and their HomeBuilders small groups that meet all across the country.

Turning obstacles into opportunities

The time demands and lack of routine associated with raising toddlers can leave many moms feeling like they have little time for anything else.

So how can an exhausted mom even consider ministering outside of her family?

It’s essential that as a mom you don’t feel you have to do something more. But for those seeking opportunities beyond their home, creativity can be key.

Last year, after some encouragement from her Homemakers group leader, Hillary took a step of faith by talking about her beliefs with the 80 guests at her daughter’s first birthday party. She placed Scripture verses at each table and shared the story of how her experiences of God inspired the name they had chosen for her daughter.

Caz recognizes the little opportunities that are present each day. Driving to school, she talks with her kids about how they can encourage friends who are struggling. She and her kids have reached out to neighbors in simple ways, like taking flowers to an elderly woman down the street. Their family has even stayed with a missionary family during a trip overseas, to expose her kids to the idea of global missions.

You may not have the time or energy to volunteer outside the home. But time-consuming activities that seem like obstacles to ministry may actually be opportunities to share Christ. Through prayer and relying on God, He may lead you to unexpected steps of faith where you can point others to Him.

“Ministry isn’t just a Christian task, done outside your home,” Caz says. “It starts in your changed heart, which can influence your family, and then moves to impact those outside your home.”

Moms, remember that even on days when you feel run over by your kids, the rest of us see you as heroes.

From https://www.cru.org/us/en/communities/families/how-can-i-have-a-ministry-when-motherhood-rules-my-life.html

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by. Rebekah Kinard 

The 2004 movie Mean Girls took place in a high school and centered on a group of popular girls called The Plastics. They were a cruel clique of the prettiest and most popular girls, mocking and ostracizing others. But that’s what happens in high school, right?

I assumed as women grew and matured that the “mean girls” and the “plastic ways” would wear away. Especially in Christian circles. What happens when they don’t?

I have seen women be mean and plastic. At the same time, my guess is these same women are wounded and covering up their pain.

Then there are women that are too nice. You know the type, you ask her how she is and she will always say “fine.” What are they covering?

As I have gone along the journey of life, I have found times where I isolate from women. I have seen negative community and sometimes it’s just easier to choose to stay home and stare at Facebook. We were made for relationship so we must guard against forsaking it.

Can you tell if your community is genuine, or are they plastic? Here’s some things to look out for:

Comparison

If I had a dime for every time I compared myself to another woman, I’d have a celebrity style closet to hold all my new shoes.

She’s smarter.

Thinner.

More educated.

More confident.

Better with her kids.

She makes crafts from Pinterest.

Younger.

Prettier.

Blessed.

The list goes on.

The truth is we should celebrate what is unique about us. We are truly one of a kind. We were given gifts from the Creator of the universe. Think about that. If He wanted you to be a singer, He would have made you one. Let’s use the gifts we have been given and celebrate our differences. Together we can be unstoppable.

Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them. Romans 13:6

Gossip

We talk about each other and even cover it as a prayer concern. We even make a point to say, “I shouldn’t tell you this, but…” I’ve done it. I bet you have too. I feel better about myself when other people don’t have it all together. It’s ugly but it’s true.

Let’s take our concerns for each other to the Lord. If we need to have a hard conversation, let’s have it with the person directly. Let’s be truth tellers armed with grace. We don’t need to talk about other women to feel superior. Let’s not let gossip come between us.

A dishonest (wo)man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends. Proverbs 16:28

Judgment

We judge each other’s choices and motives. We think “we wouldn’t do it that way or say it that way.” We feel the need to look at other women’s choices and speak into them. You know how it goes.

Why is she getting married so young?

Why does she homeschool?

Why is she waiting so long to have kids?

Why does she support that cause?

Why does she dress like that?

Let’s instead celebrate when other women are obeying what the Lord has asked of them. It may be different from what He would ask of us, and that’s okay.

These also are sayings of the wise. To show partiality in judgment is not good. Proverbs 24:23

Lack of Empathy

We don’t just listen sometimes. We control and fix. We are so quick to give solutions that we miss just being with someone. We don’t need to solve it. She doesn’t need to hear what you would do or even about the latest book you have read. There will be time to share your story but right now is not the time. You can tell her that later. Just listen. Let’s practice the ministry of presence.

Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Romans 12:15

Image Management

The church is not immune to the “selfie” culture. Instead of being authentic with each other, we manage what other women think of us. We want to fit in. It’s not only men who compete. We do it all the time. We jockey for praise, stature, and grow our identity in ‘winning’ at work, ministry and motherhood.

Let’s not compete, let’s win together.  Let’s strive for authenticity. Let’s be comfortable in our own skin.

Am I saying this now to win the approval of people or God? Am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be Christ’s servant Galatians 1:10

Mean girls still exist but so does the power of authentic community. Let’s strive to create places of genuine connection, care, and grace. Negativity can be stopped if we allow the power of the Spirit to live in us. Women loving other women well. Nothing plastic about that.

https://www.cru.org/us/en/blog/life-and-relationships/women/ladies-are-you-still-part-of-the-mean-girls.html

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